Today I had made up my mind to do something that keeps buzzing around in my head for a while! Putting on paper the things about me that I want to improve and interests that want to cultivate better… I took a sheet and I wrote four columns: “likes”, “dislikes”, “quality” and “defects”… Likes and dislikes was gone smoothly!
Defects are coming soon, the only problem was not to repeat the same one with different words, but once I started, defects continued to pop up alone… On the other hand on qualities… I had a block and anything I could think of, it never seemed strong enough to count it among the qualities, which brings me back to one of the defects: insecurity!
So… here we are again, how to manage this?!? It is clear that, although I am not a psychologist and I didn’t read all the available literature on this type of disease, I realize that something is wrong, that is not quite “healthy” to not have ideas, or if have them, hold them up to belittle them as trivial or too common… to be clear, I do not feel as a sociopath person or with particular character problems, but like everyone, I have my daily demons to deal with!
So I guess I just have to remind myself daily that if “I really want and intent to do something I am able to fulfill my desires”… it’s just that often, I forget to remind it to myself!
Then again, meditation helps… it really helps me to feel better and closer to my inner self, closer to these concepts, repeating them during meditation helps to remember, to secure them better.. I know that this road is long, but I also know that the improvement and strive to be a better person every day, is a worthy daily work, that will accompany me every day of my life, this is the decision I have made, a committment with myself which I am trying to keep every day…
I will make at least one step a day, trying to obtain the most by the teaching and lessons I got from the day before and trying to become a better person, enhancing my strengths and depleting my weaknesses!
Quote: “Self-confidence is knowing that we have the capacity to do something good and firmly decide not to give up.” His Holiness the Dalai Lama
Source quote: http://viewonbuddhism.org/self-confidence.html