I’ve had insecurity problems for all my life on, for several reasons. The point is, that I recently discovered something that changed all my approach with myself and even my way of view myself, I would like to share it.
All happened a day when I was randomly thinking to my “ideal man“, I was thinking of what kind of man I would like him to be, building him in details, his appearance, his voice, his hearth, his mind, what he likes, what he practices as sport, what he eat, what he prefers and so on…really detailed! Ok ok I know… It’s incredibly stupid and pointless, but women sometimes do that, at least I do that!
While I was wondering on this I realized one thing, almost every characteristic I would like him to have, was mine!
This was a kind of shock for me, because as soon I realized this, I realized also I was pointless to keep have a bad relationship with myself, to keep underestimate me, if the characteristics I expect to find in the “man of my life”… are the same ones I have!
Of course I’m searching also for something more and different from myself, but this was my key milestone which made me realize I liked me, I liked the kind of person I am and I from that moment on, with this awareness I wanted to start immediately a new relationship with myself!
And by the way, the end of my last relationship taught me more than everything else that is very true that if YOU don’t love yourself first… how you could pretend that someone else does!
Talker Huge 
Hi loved your post! My psychology professor touched on this subject in class. He said that humans are susceptible to picking up traits that we have been around the most. So the things that we had in people represented our “shadow” which lays hidden in our unconscious-these are the negative traits we have the possibility of possessing that are locked away in our unconscious. The traits that we admire and love in people represent the conscious traits of our personality. So the best way to get over a crush is to think about what you loved about them; because those are the same thing that you love about yourself. To know who you be prone to be ending up with a relationship write down the positive and negatives of your parent of the opposite sex. These are the traits you will be attracted to. So when people say “We’re soul mates I feel like I’ve known him forever” , it’s actually true because you’ve grown up around a person exactly like him! I thought these were very helpful predictors and good psychology excercises our professor made us do; your post reminded me of the exercises so I thought I’d share 😀
Sincerely,
DelicateStrength 🙂
that’s a really good point and a really good reminder for everytime we feel incomplete without the person we have lost!
once again, good point I’d never thought about that, but maybe it’s because I’m the exception to the rule, because I can’t say I’m attracted by characteristics similar to my father, but I can understand and share the point of it!
So thank you for sharing DelicateStrength 😉
Lol I got Daddy issues too hhhah I like to think of it as I’m attracted to the pros of his personality instead…just take the good and ignore the negatives :D. There are good and bad things about everyone, but even if there is a good quality in a your enemy recognize and accept (maybe even learn from it and develop that quality in yourself-that what i was taught growing up :D)
I think that was a wonderful realisation that you made about yourself, and I’m so happy for you that it helped your insecurities and made you realise that you do in fact like your own qualities! That’s wonderful. So many people suffer from feeling insecure and it can cause unhappiness and stress in different ways, so I always like to hear about people who have recovered from that feeling of being insecure, or at least starting to recover and get more confidence. Most people need to learn to love themselves more. Most cultures teach that it’s wrong to be like that (especially for women who must think about everyone else but not themselves) but to be fully happy and healthy we need to love and respect ourselves before we are ready to love and respect somebody else.
A very lovely post. 🙂
thank you tfaswift, it’s really sweet what you just wrote!
Actually it could seems quite trivial as discovery, but it’s the kind of things that you have under you nose during all your lifetime and when you realize it you think: “why couldn’t I realized it before!?!?”
I believe truth is we think too much!!! We tend to be constantly focused on some impossible mind path, neglecting more obvious truths…
Oh gosh, I just finished writing a really difficult post, and I’m still crying about! But I saw your post and it was lovely and I wanted to tell you that. You’re right, about everything. We think too much and we often miss the obvious things because we think too much …