These months I find something I really can’t renounce at.. something I surprisingly found out and I’m already so attached to because I’m so scared to lose it!
I found out I own a place, inside me, where there really is peace, where no one can hurt me, where I feel strong, confident and fulfilled, but this place is also so thin, that sometimes I’m afraid I’m gonna lose it… I discovered this place out during these months (thanks also to meditation, truth be told), I had no idea it was there or that it can really exist something like that, at least, not in me, but there it was! I’m so happy I’ve discovered it out, but sometimes I’m also terrified I can lose it…
I think this is an epic change for me, I can sense this feeling, that I’ve never felt before and thanks to this little magic place inside me, no one can hurt me anymore, at least not that deep, no one, except me, can go that far! I know I still can be hurt, but I do feel pain in a different way now, kind of lighter than before, shallower.. this is a bliss I don’t want to renounce, that’s the STRENGHT I was searching for so long time… that’s where my true self can live forever in peace!
This reminded me on my little special places I’ve found during my travels where I’ve felt in the first place this same feeling, this calm, this sense of “it all makes sense now” that I can feel when I’m in this place during meditation…
In every journey I’ve done I’ve found at least one of this places, where I felt this way, where everything make sense again, where everything was surrounded by peace, calm, something close to spiritual, where I can feel as a part of something great: nature!
Before finding it in meditation I’ve missed so much that sensation, I can’t ever understand why I can’t feel this way in everyday life… I don’t get it, but once again the answer is so trivial to appear silly, just because everyday we lose focus on really important things!
We have to run everyday in a life that we always complain about but it is just us we had built it, we buy everyday the lies of living in a life we want, but I’m sure if everyone of us will stop, pondering this… I’m sure almost no one is happy living the life he/she has!
So we should do something to change… I know, easy to say, hard to do!
Unfortunately I don’t have a magic spell to help in changing but, starting with little things, I’m trying myself to change this life I don’t want to live, as I think everyone should do as soon as he/she realize to want a change! Life is one, we should live it knowing that and making the best we can to make everyday count!
A great man, Tiziano Terzani wrote: “There are days in our lives when nothing happens, days which go by leaving nothing to remember and no trace of their passing, almost as though we hadn’t lived them at all. Come to think of it, most days are like that. But when it dawns on us that the number of days we have left is limited, we wonder how we could possibly have let so many slip by unnoticed. But this is how we’re made. Only afterwards do we appreciate what came before. Only when something is in the past do we understand what it would be like to have it in the present. But by then it’s too late.”